Silent Abuse


To start off with a little background about myself. I am a second generation
that suffered abuse from both a parent and a partner. My mother grew up with
a father who was sexually abusive. She then married a man to get away from her
father. This man over time sexually abused her from things he did and selling
her to his friends. I watched him beat her and having his friends “accidentally”
crawl into my bed some nights. As I told my family about being touched I was
blamed for just being nice that it was my fault. My first child was from a friend
of the family as I had learned it was expected if a guy liked me I had to let that
guy do whatever.

I got kicked out and was living with a family member with my baby for no real reason. I ended up
talking to a guy on a chat line who seemed nice. The first time I dated him he asked me to marry
him. I said yes because he seemed nice and acted like a gentleman. The marriage was kind of rushed
because by the time I had been with him for a year I had a baby by him.So we got married after
moving in together.

So slowly I didn’t even notice he took advantage of my submissive, wanting to please others
nature. He started adding others to our love life even if I said no. Next starting the hitting and
running away expecting me to do anything to get the cash to get him home.

After a few years and 3 children he had me convinced I could not survive without him. He had to
come into all my drs, pick out my friends and if we argued or did not agree I had things like being
hit in the head, choked until I wet myself or being degraded. He also when I was expecting my
youngest started selling me for things from cash for food to a ps2.

I was able to take the hitting, put downs and everything else he did to me because I thought
I deserved it. It changed when he started having me act younger in bed slowly starting from
18 to the end acting 12. He was also cybering with underage plus taking off to meet women.My
daughters started feeling not safe. When lived in TN he told therapist he was having sexual
dreams about his stepdaughter and she said it was ok as long as he did not touch.

Over multiple moves I took losing everything from friends to family and everything I owned.
He never left bruises so how could I prove? I finally had last straw when he threatened to
put son through wall. Thankfully I had a friend help. I found out afterwards he did touch his
stepdaughter & youngest. I suffer from PTSD now and am afraid to go outside the house but being
by myself scares me.I also have trouble with speech and health issues. Between growing up and my
17 yr marriage I cut myself and tried suicide over a dozen times to get free. He even fooled friends
and people in public by acting loving as he made sure I told no one the truth. Even the people he
treated me badly in front of never saw the truth or helped as I badly wanted to be free. Yes I am &
always will be scared of him

Comments

  1. That's for sharing this. Huggies

    ReplyDelete

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